BEST OF JODY’S BOX: “ARE YOU CLEARING THAT BIG TABLETOP?”
By Jody Weisel
“Jody, are you clearing that big tabletop?” asked Jimmy Mac.
“Which tabletop?” I asked.
“The big one,” he said.
“Where?” I asked.
“In the back. I almost killed myself there in practice,” said Jimmy.
“Killed yourself where?” I asked.
“On that big tabletop in the back,” said Jimmy Mac emphatically.
“I didn’t see anything that even resembled a tabletop in the back. Where in the back?” I asked.
“You know which tabletop I’m talking about. It’s right after the left turn on that short straight after the thingie,” he said.
“I know where the right-hand thingie is, but I don’t remember a left-hand thingie,” I answered.
“No. The thing you’re talking about is a different thingie. What do they call that thing anyway?” asked Jimmy.
\“The Seven Widows,” I answered.
“No, that is the wrong thingie. I’m not talking about the tabletop after the Seven Widows. I’m talking about the one right after that whatchamacallit jump,” he said.
“Do you mean the tabletop after the Ejector jump?” I asked.
“Yeah, that is the name of that thingie. Did you jump the tabletop over by the Ejector thingie?” asked Jimmy Mac.
“No, I didn’t jump it. It must be 110 feet from end to end. The landing is in a different area code from the takeoff. I jumped up on it, shifted up two gears and rode across the top of it. Why? Did you jump it?” I asked.
“I tried to jump it and almost killed myself. I fell out of the sky like a cannonball about 40 feet short of the landing,” said Jimmy.
“What would possess you to try to jump that monster?” I said.
“I tried it because Crazy Dave told me that you jumped it. I figured that if you cleared it, then I could clear it, too. But once I was 50 feet up in the air, I realized that there was no way that you jumped it,” said Jimmy Mac.
“Crazy Dave is famous for that prank. A month ago he told me that Fred Phalange cleared the big step-down. He told me that Fred jumped it in third gear, and that if a spode like Fred could do it, then I could do it, too,” I said. “
“Did you do it?” asked Jimmy Mac.
“Yes, I did it. I overdid it. I hit that thing in third and cleared the fence and landed in the back of some guy’s Tundra. Later, I found out that Fred was at home with the flu and wasn’t even at the track,” I said.
“Is that the step-down over by the Canyon?” asked Jimmy. “
“The what?” I asked.
“The Canyon,” repeated Jimmy incredulously.
“Where the track turns up into that ravine? Is that where the step-down you are talking about is?” I asked.
“You lost me.” said Jimmy Mac.
“Is the Canyon the part of the track over by the canyon?” I asked.
“No. That’s the Arroyo. The Canyon is before the Arroyo, but should probably be called the Ravine. Is the step-down you are talking about in the Arroyo?” asked Jimmy Mac.
“No. The step-down I’m talking about is before the Arroyo. It is right after the Chute,” I said.
“Are you going clockwise or counterclockwise?” asked Jimmy.
Just then, Monte Floyd walked up and asked, ”Did you take the inside or outside line at the road turn?”
“Inside,” I said, “but it is tricky. That’s where what’s-his-name broke his leg,” I said.
“Who?” said Monte.
“Where?” asked Jimmy.
“When?” asked Monte.
“Which leg?” asked Jimmy.
“Bad?” asked Monte.
“The right-hand road turn or the left-hand road turn?” asked Jimmy.
“Left. Compound. Right,” I replied.
I’d had enough of this dislocated gibberish. Conversations in the pits are fraught with doubt, ignorance and ineptitude when it comes to describing something as simple as a racetrack. I turned and walked away, but just as I got to the limit of earshot I heard Monte Floyd ask Jimmy Mac, “What are you doing over that big tabletop after the Ejector?
“Oh, that tabletop,” said Jimmy Mac, “it’s no big deal. Crazy Dave told me that Jody jumped it.”