BEST OF JODY’S BOX: CONVERSATIONS WITH LOVELY LOUELLA

By Jody Weisel

These are the conversations I have with “Lovely Louella” in the pits.

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“Hey, Jody, did you know you had a flat tire all during practice?” asked Louella.

“Oh good, I thought it might have been something technical, like fork oil.”

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“You need to stop riding like an idiot,” said Louella.

“I may have ridden a little wild, but at least I kept it on two wheels.”

“How many wheels did you start with?” she asked.

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“I had the holeshot until the two guys in front of me crashed.”

“No wonder you have so much trouble balancing your checkbook,” she said.

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“The track is so one-line that I couldn’t pass anybody out there.”

“The other 39 guys didn’t seem to have any problem passing you,” said Louella.

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“You won’t believe where I found the 12mm wrench I lost. It was inside the airbox.”

“That’s great, but didn’t you buy a new 12mm wrench to find it in there?” asked Louella.

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“I DON’T JUMP ANYTHING YOU CAN DRIVE A CADILLAC COUPE DEVILLE TOWING AN AIRSTREAM TRAILER IN BETWEEN.”

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“How come you aren’t jumping the double?” asked Louella.

“I don’t jump anything you can drive a Cadillac Coupe deVille towing an Airstream trailer in between.”

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“You need to find better lines out there,” said Louella.

“Lines, shmines. All that matters is my left wrist; or is that the right wrist?”

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“Do you want to borrow my stopwatch to see my lap times?”

“No need. I have a pocket calendar in my purse,” said Louella.

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“The more I learn about women, the better I like motorcycles.”

“No wonder you’re so far off the lead today,” said Louella.

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“Sorry I took so much time telling Jimmy Mac how to gear his bike.”

“Yes, I heard you. How come when you both talked about putting a 13-tooth countershaft sprocket on his bike he said he was gearing it up and you said he was gearing it down?” asked Louella.

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“I would have won if the moto had been one lap longer.”

“Last week you said you would have won if the moto had been one lap shorter. Which is it?” asked Louella.

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“How did you do today?” asked Louella.

“Did you see my first moto?

“No,” she said.

“Well, in that case, I won.”

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“If the ruts get any deeper, the guy who wins today will be named the Chinese National Champion.”

“Wouldn’t he be going backwards on the track then?” asked Louella.

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“Why are you always criticizing me? How fast are you?”

“125 words a minute, but I only use two fingers,” replied Louella.

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“Gee, I hope I win today.”

“What will that prove?” asked Louella.

“That I’m the best rider.”

“In the world?” she inquired.

“Well, no, not exactly, but the best rider here.”

“You mean here in America?” she probed.

“No, I mean here.”

“California?” she posed.

“No, here at Glen Helen.”

“If you win today, you’ll be the fastest rider at Glen Helen?” she asked.

“Well, in my class.”

“Are there other classes?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“How many?” she questioned.

“About 13.”

“Is everybody who wins his class the fastest guy at Glen Helen?” Louella wondered.

“No, of course not. Some classes are faster than others.”

“Are you in the fastest class?” she asked.

“Gee whiz, I meant to say that I hope I live up to my limited potential today.”

“That’s more realistic,” Louella said with a look of satisfaction.

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