BEST OF JODY’S BOX: SOMETIMES YOU NEED A GOOD EXCUSE FOR WINNING
By Jody Weisel
7:45 a.m.—“Jody,“ asked the promoter, “I’ve had some complaints about you cutting the line at sign-up. Did you do it?”
“No,” I said with an innocent look on my face. Of course I had, but if I hadn’t cut the line I would have been at the back of the line. It was totally justified.
* * * *
8:45 a.m.—“Jody,” asked the promoter, “We’re you out on the track during minicycle practice?”
“No, it wasn’t me,” I said. Although I must admit that blowing by those Lilliputian racers was satisfying in a Gulliver sort of way.
* * * *
10:45 a.m.—“Jody, did you take my last tear-off?” asked Jimmy Mac as we got ready for the first moto.
“No,” I said as I pulled my goggles over my helmet. In truth, I had borrowed a tear-off from Jimmy’s gear bag, but I didn’t know whether it was his last one or not. He could have had another pack in the glove box of his truck.
* * * *
10:55 a.m.—“Jody,” asked the promoter, “The starter said that you jumped the gate in the first moto. Did you?”
“No,” I said. I had jumped the gate, but I could have sworn that I saw it move. In retrospect, I’m positive that it moved and my reflexes were so superior that I defeated gravity.
* * * *
11:15 a.m.—“Jody,” asked Jimmy Mac. “Did you knock Fred Phalange down? I saw the two of you go into the trees together and only you came out. I’d asked Fred but he can’t remember anything before last Tuesday.”
“No, it wasn’t me,” I said. Technically it was me, but it wasn’t my fault. Fred was hogging the good line.
* * * *
11:22 a.m.—“Jody, do you have a spare rear tube? I got a flat in the first moto,” asked Jimmy Mac.
“No, I don’t have one,” I said. Of course, I did have one, but if I lent it to Jimmy then I wouldn’t have one, and thus I was telling the truth.
* * * *
“NOT ONLY HAD I RUN OVER HIS LOADING RAMP, BUT I HAD CRUSHED HIS ICE CHEST TOO. SOME PEOPLE ARE SO CARELESS WITH THEIR BELONGINGS. THAT’S WHY THEY MAKE WHIP ANTENNAS.”
* * * *
2:27 p.m.—”Jody, did you use up the last of my gas. I could have sworn I had fuel left in my can,” asked Monte Floyd before the second moto.
“No, I didn’t use it,” I said. And I wasn’t lying because I don’t use gas, but my bike does…and since the second moto hadn’t started, neither my bike nor I had used a drop of Monte’s gas (at least not at that point in time).
* * * *
3:22 p.m.—“Jody, did you protest me?” asked Ronnie Banning. “Thepromoter said someone turned me in for switching bikes between motos.”
“No, it wasn’t me,“ I said. “Why would I do that? I’m the guy who lent you my spare bike after yours broke in practice.” Of course I was the one who squealed on him. It was the right thing to do and this would be a better country if more people exercised the moral responsibility that comes with living in a democratic society.
* * * *
4:15 p.m.—“Jody, did you run over my loading ramp?“ asked Jimmy Mac as I was preparing to leave the track.
“No,” I said. Unfortunately, I had not only run over his loading ramp, but I had crushed his ice chest too. Some people are so careless with their belongings. That’s why they make whip antennas.
* * * *
4:25 p.m.—“Jody,” asked Crazy Dave as I exited the front gate, “did you duct tape my dog’s tail to my bike stand?”
“No,” I said. “I wouldn’t do that. You know that I love that dog as much as I love Jimmy Mac.” I should have added that if I caught Jimmy Mac lifting his leg over my gear bag I would have taped his tail to a bike stand also.
* * * *
6:05 p.m.—“Jody, how did it go today?” asked Lovely Louella when I got home.
“Great,” I said. “I won. There was a really long line at sign-up, but I managed to make it in time for practice. It was a little muddy in the morning and I used all of my tear-offs, but luckily I got a great start in the first moto. I won the first moto with an awesome pass in the trees and I was lucky in the second moto because the guy who was in front of me got disqualified.”
“Are you going to take a shower now?” asked Louella.
“No, I need to throw my gear in the washing machine first because somehow it got all wet.”
