BEST OF JODY’S BOX: WHEN SCRUPLES INTERFERE WITH CASHING IN, IT’S TIME TO CASH OUT

I must confess that I have often been asked to endorse products. Advertising is what makes the world go around. This is the way that the capitalist system works (lord knows you can’t depend on purse money to pay the bills). Endorsements are the icing on the motocross cake. It’s a very simple deal — use my product and I’ll pay you. Why? Because, theoretically, if brand X can get a known racer to use their product then 10,000 local hotshots will want to use it too (except they pay instead of getting paid).

If I agreed to endorse products it would smell to high heaven of selling out, but since I would be on the receiving end of the check cashing — capitalism is sweet. There have been many historic endorsement deals in motocross history.

One year Jeremy McGrath started the season wearing Oakley goggles, but when Oakley found out that he was endorsing Spy sunglasses their relationship soured. Jeremy didn’t care because he was one of the owners of Spy. Brad Lackey once signed a $50,000 contract to wear AGV helmets, but he didn’t like the way AGV’s fit so he stuck an AGV sticker on a Bell. AGV wasn’t happy and neither was Bell. Jeff Emig had so much faith in Shoei Helmets that he turned down other helmet companies and rode the first part of the 1994 season for free while Shoei sorted out their business dealings. Within a couple of races, Shoei signed Emig and they made an Emig Replica. Jeff Stanton was rumored to have signed a big bucks helmet deal with a well-known company, and agreed to take less money up-front based receiving a royalty for every Jeff Stanton replica they sold. The kicker was that the helmet company didn’t make any Stanton replica’s that year and Jeff was a little perturbed. Roger DeCoster and Tony DiStefano both had their own line of signature clothing back to the ‘70s. But neither of them had hand writing that was good enough for the advertising people — so the ad agency had had a secretary sign their signatures.

One look at a rider’s jersey will reveal all the possible sources of income. Modern motocross ethics states that the bike belongs to the factory and only factory-approved sponsor decals can be put on it. The rider’s body, however, belongs to him and he can put as many stickers as taste will allow on his jersey, helmet and pants.

Use your imagination for moment and pretend that you are Jett Lawrence. You’re sitting in your new lakeside home during the off-season when suddenly your phone rings: “Wear my leathers ($150,000), try my boots ($50,000), use my helmet ($75,000), dash this perfume behind your ears (oops! wrong endorsement).” Since there is only one Jett Lawrence, there must be a pecking order to the sponsorship gravy train. Eventually the money filters down to everyone of prominence — you could be next!

I’m never surprised when some ad agency guy approaches me with a suitcase full of cash. Bonnie and Clyde should have had it this easy: Sign the contract, slap a sticker on your visor and grab the Samsonite full of greenbacks. It’s hard to turn down cold hard cash, but I have my reputation to think of. My conscience would never allow my bank balance to swell if it meant that I had to wear gear that looked like a lobster bib or boots that should be worn by somebody who is being chased by angry villagers bearing torches. Greed is one thing, but endorsing a loser product is worse. I have learned over the years to play it cool when companies start waving U.S. Grant’s at me. Plus, under no circumstances would I ever take money from a product, bike or brand that I will be testing in MXA. That is a major conflict of interest. You can’t test a bike from a company that is paying you without it smacking of dishonesty. I would never want to bring MXA’s testing honesty into serious question—and I value that a lot more than a few bucks. No thanks!

“ARE YOU KIDDING!” I SAID. “TECHNOSWELL IS A JOKE. AT THE LOCAL TRACKS THEY CALL IT “BLACK MOLD.” I WOULDN’T USE TECHNOSWELL TO MAKE POPCORN, LET ALONE RUN IT IN MY ENGINE.”

“Are you kidding!” I said. “Technoswell is a joke. At the local tracks they call it “black mold.” I wouldn’t use Technoswell to make popcorn, let alone run it in my engine.”

“We have done extensive laboratory testing with our product,” said the ad guy with a concerned voice. “In head-to-head tests Technoswell runs 25 degrees cooler than the most popular brand. What do you think of that?”

“I believe it!” I replied. “Anything that blows your engine up in less than four minutes doesn’t have a chance to get hot.”

“We understand your resistance to try anything that you haven’t personally tested. So we are prepared to send over ten cases of Technoswell so you can try it for yourself.”

“Send over a ten cases of pistons with it,” I said calmly.

“Perhaps you don’t know that Technoswell was used in the World Championship road race bikes of the CBD MotoGP team,” said Phil.

“Yeah right, and when these ace pavement pounders weren’t pouring Burnswell in their $100,000 road race engines they were inhaling smoke from the exhaust pipe. I do believe that they have Technoswell stickers on their fairings, but I doubt if they use that crud.”

“Actually, you wouldn’t have to use it either. We’d just like you to run the sticker and appear in a series of print and TV ads.”

“At my track they use Technoswell stickers to tape track banners back together. You’re talking to the wrong person. I have scruples.”

“Perhaps you have misunderstood me,” said Phil. “We are talking business here. Technoswell is willing to pay you $50,000 for your endorsement.”

“Sorry, I’m still not interested,” I said. “But let me put Jody on the phone!”