BEST OF JODY’S BOX: “WINNING ISN’T EVERYTHING, BUT AS LONG AS THEY KEEP SCORE IT IS.”

By Jody Weisel

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella when I came in the door.
“The ground.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely as she stuck her head in the barn as I was unloading my gear.
“Gravity.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely when I threw my truck keys on the kitchen counter.
“Age.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella as I sat at the dinner table staring at my plate.
“A consortium of circumstances beyond my control.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella without looking up from her “National Geographic” in the pits.
“I was hoping you could tell me.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella as she breezed by in a hurry to meet her friends for dinner.
“Don’t rush by me so fast,” I said, “it brings back bad memories of moto two.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella as I dumped my gear on the laundry room floor.
“A guy I never saw before, never saw after the gate dropped and hope to never see ever again.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella as she sat knitting on the couch.
“Satan and his minion.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella without looking up from the cookbook she was reading.
“Some cherry picker and his nine cherry picking friends.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella while working in her garden.
“I don’t know who won, but I know who lost.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella while petting the dog.
“You win some; you lose some, and some get rained out. I might have won if it had rained harder.”

“THERE IS AS MUCH NOBILITY IN BEING LAST AS IN BEING FIRST; HOWEVER,
THERE AREN’T ANY TROPHIES FOR NOBILITY.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella in a tender voice.
“There is as much nobility in being last as in being first; however, there aren’t any trophies for nobility.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella while standing on a step ladder.
“The only person who remembers the guy who finished second is the guy who finished second.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella while baking a pie.
“I did, if this is March 23, 1984.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella as she chased a chicken away from her roses.
“As long as I’m learning from my losses, I’m not really losing; however, I have a Ph.D. in losing.”

“Who won today?” asked Lovely Louella while shoving my jersey into the washing machine.
“Winning isn’t everything, but as long as they keep score it is.”