BEST OF JODY’S BOX: GOING SO FAST THAT THEY FINISHED EACH OTHER’S SENTENCES

On May 1, 2023 Last updated May 2, 2023

The guy behind could be a spree killer taking a day off from work to build up his anger at the world.

By Jody Weisel

When they pulled off the track, grown men cringed, dogs cowered under trucks and women held their children to their breasts. They were both angry and everybody could tell it. “Get out of the way you stupid jerk,” was the only thing they said that can be printed in mixed company.

If you had to compare motocross to any other sport it wouldn’t be automobile racing, mountain biking, BMX or ball room dancing. It would be boxing. A motocrosser has to attack from the drop of the gate, probe his opponent for weaknesses, take considerable punishment to get close and then deliver the decisive blow. We are not, to quote former 250 Supercross, 125 National, 250 National, Superbike road race, AMA dirt track and ABC-TV Superbiker winner Steve Wise, “playing tiddlywinks out there!”

To win races, or even to finished 23rd, feelings have to be hurt, enemies made and friendships damaged. You gotta break some eggs to make an omelette or to pull off a tricky pass. For Fred Phalange and Crazy Dave, today was one of those days.

“I was going down the back straight minding my own business when Crazy Dave came out of nowhere and tried to ram me,” said Fred Phalange. Fred was agitated, wagging his finger in Crazy Dave’s nose and foaming at the mouth. “I didn’t know he was there until I downshifted for the corner and heard him upshift. I was already committed to the turn, but then I caught a glimpse of him barreling up the inside totally out of control. I had just enough time to slam my brakes on. If I hadn’t he would have taken me out. As it was, his footpeg hit my front wheel. He was so out of control that he missed the corner and went through the snow fence. I passed him back, but a lap later he did the same thing and I decided to let him by.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,“ said Crazy Dave to Fred. “My line was faster than yours. I had you fair-and-square, but you tried to block me. I thought you were going to ram me. In fact, your front wheel hit my bike directly in the footpeg. I was lucky to stay up, and by the time I had recovered from being rammed I had gone through the fence. I was calm enough to save it and on the next lap I wasn’t as nice as the lap before.

Jody Weisel (192) and Lars Larsson (13) in their version of, “I gave him plenty of room!”

As Crazy Dave finished telling his version of the story Fred Phalange’s brother Stumpy came over and sat down. “What did you see, “ I asked.

“I didn’t see a thing. I got stuck in the gate and stalled my bike. By the time I got going Fred and Crazy Dave lapped me. They were riding like idiots. They were going so fast that they had to finish each others sentences. Fred came up on me and yelled, ‘Get out of the way you…’ and then Crazy Dave went by screaming,,,, ‘stupid jerk!’ Three laps later they lapped me again, but this time Dave yelled, ”Get out of the way…’ and Fred screamed…, ’you stupid jerk!”

“I saw the whole thing,“ said Jimmy Mac as he plopped down in a lawn chair behind the two protagonist. “I was in fifth place behind Crazy Dave. They were cutting each other off, blocking in the corners and jumping across the face of jumps. I figured they’d take each other out. I decided to play it safe, plus I couldn’t catch them. The first time Dave tried to pass Fred he hit a whoop ten feet before the corner and flew off the side of his bike, which jerked his throttle wide open. I thought he was going to center punch Fred, but instead he missed him by an inch, they might have even touched, and then Dave went through the snow fence. I thought I could pass him in the corner, but he gathered it in just before the Interstate and came back through the fence right in front of me. I let him go. I have to be at work tomorrow. A lap later Dave hit the same whoop, but this time Fred realized that he had to be at work tomorrow.”

Kent Reed and Jody Weisel: We’re still trying to figure out how hard they crashed into each other out back that they came around on each other’s bikes.

The Floyd brothers walked up to see what all the commotion was. “Did you see it,” asked Stumpy Phalange to no brother in particular.

“I didn’t see a thing,” said Jimmy Floyd. “I had a run-in with those two guys last week. I lost two buckles off my left boot, got roosted 42 times and had to spend an hour removing black rubber marks from my side panels. I vowed to stay away from them. I got the holeshot and never looked back. It’s about time they took each other out, better them than four or five innocent guys and the occasional spectator. What about you Monte? What did you see?”

“You were lucky to get the holeshot, “ said Monte Floyd. “I never even got past the first turn. I got a pretty good start when two guys came up the inside and cleaned my clock. I never had a chance to see who it was. The last thing I remember was two voices in unison yelling, “Get out of the way you stupid jerk!”