BEST OF JODY’S BOX: “I CAN’T AFFORD TO RACE”

On Dec 17, 2024 Last updated Dec 17, 2024

BY JODY WEISEL

“I want to race. My whole life all I’ve ever wanted to do is race. I think I would be really good if I got the chance to show what I could do,” said a guy who wandered over to look at my bike at the gas station. Like strangers on a bus, people at gas stations seem overly anxious to reveal intimate details of their lives to random motorcycle racers. Gas station gabbers vary from from bored businessmen to curious teenagers to hard-core wannabes.

“No problem,” I said flippantly. “Just show up at a race and sign up. They’ll let anybody race. The only license you need in SoCal is the one with George Washington’s face on it.”

“I want to race, but I can’t,” said the guy.

“Why not?” I asked. Even though I heard this same sob story a hundred times, I needed to kill some time while Jimmy Mac bought a pack Twinkies.

“I don’t have a bike. I can’t afford the gear. My parents won’t help me. What I really need is a sponsor. I want to race, but I can’t,” he said mournfully.

Motocross is not a cheap sport, unless you compare it to other motor sports, in which case motocross suddenly becomes the cheapest World Championship-level motorsport on this spinning green orb. You could race the complete AMA series for the cost of the tires used at one race by a Formula 1 team. Motocross is, without a doubt, the biggest bargain in the racing world. Not only can you buy world-class equipment, but pay all the entry fees and gas for a season for less than those fancy side-by-sides that people 30 grand on cost. I wasn’t sympathetic to the stranger’s tale of woe.

“That’s a lie,” I said to the guy. “Everybody who wants to race is racing. The only people who aren’t racing, don’t want to.”

“But,” said the guy. “I really want to race, but I can’t afford it. You think motocross is easy to do because you are already doing it, but a new bike would cost me eight grand. Where am I going to get that kind of money?”

“I notice that you are wearing classic vintage Air Jordans. Somehow you managed to afford to buy hideously expensive Viet Cong-made shoes.” I said.

“Everybody has to have shoes. These are what everybody is wearing,” said the guy.

“Is that a tattoo on your arm? What is that suppose to be? It looks like a Greek sailor wrestling with a Christine Aguilera,” I said.

“Hey!” said the guy angrily. “That’s Neptune and a sea serpent. I just got it. It cost me $300. Like it?”

“Ask me that again in 30 years when its just a big black blob,” I said

“Do you have a cell phone?” I asked.

“Yes. I’ve got an Apple 15, but I’m getting the newest one next week.”

“Does you phone have any cool apps?” I queried.

“Yes, lots of them,” said the guy.

“Do you have big screen TV?” I asked.

“Yes, everybody does,” said the guy.

“Is the screen 65 inches, 75-inches or 100 inches?” I followed up.

“One hundred,” said the guy.

“With HBO, Netflix and Peacock?” I tacked on to to the end of his last sentence.

“Yes,” said the guy.

“Do you have internet access?”>

“Yes,” said the guy.>

“Cable or satelite?”

“Cable,” said the guy.

“Do you own an iPod?”

“Yes, and I’ve got over a thousand songs stored on it,” said the guy.

“Are those $150 Oakley sunglasses on top of your head?” I said as pointing to his forehead.

“Yes,” said the guy.

“Do you mow your own yard?” I asked.

“The neighbor’s kid does it,” said the guy.

“Is that your new Ford F-150 parked over there?” I said as I pointed at the shiny new truck three pumps over.

“Yes,” said the guy.

“Are those dubs or dub-twos?” I asked about his truck’s wheels.

“Those are dubs,” said the guy proudly.

“I apologize,” I said. “You’re right. You really can’t afford to race.