BEST OF JODYS BOX: THE CLAPTRAP THAT PASSES AS THE TRUTH IN MOTOCROSS
By Jody Weisel
A large percentage of motorcycle racing is about deluding ourselves. If you race, you know the ritual. It starts with the concept that that motocross is the most dangerous sport in the world. We all buy into it—it makes motocross seem all that more significant—but more people are killed on golf courses by lightning strikes than in motocross. We tell ourselves that we are doing something that only a handful of people in the world are capable of doing—but the fact is that anyone can do it (proven by the fact that four-year-old kids, 66-year-old retirees and amputees have excelled in the sport). We all claim to be in tip-top shape, and will repeat, at the drop of a hat, a 50-year-old study (with little or no scientific backing) that motocross is the second toughest sport in the world. You should know that it’s not true when you find out that scientist think that soccer is the toughest sport in the world. Yeah right, toughest if you count getting grass stains out of your shorts!
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I admit to being as deluded as the next guy, but only because I choose to be. I’m not in tip-top shape (and neither are a lot of high-paid factory riders). I’m not doing something that only a handful of people can do (after all I make my living testing motorcycles that have been sold in the multi-millions over my career). I’m not doing something dangerous and even if I was I wouldn’t be doing it dangerously (if statistic are to be believed I’m 250 times more likely to be hit by a train).
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You would be justified in thinking that I’m deluding myself by believing that I’ve been deluded into thinking motocross is not physically demanding, unique or dangerous. Of course it is, but let’s not get all misty about it. Look at these facts. (1) When the gate drops I know exactly what I’m doing and why. (2) I’m going in the same direction as the other 39 guys and if I’m not I’ve done something terribly wrong. (3) I have no intention of jumping anything beyond my ability (no matter how foolish I look rolling over a double, I’d look more foolish in plaster). (4) I never ride out of sight of an ambulance. (5) I don’t adhere to the “win or die trying” philosophy in motocross (or on the freeway).
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Delusion, either self or outward, can be a good thing. It keeps us going when things aren’t going well. It lights the kindling of hope when the spark is weak. And, we must subconsciously want to be deluded to fall for some of the claptrap that passes as the truth in motocross. Here are some common examples.
A MOTORCYCLE RACER’S BRAIN IS A MARVELOUS THING, IT WORKS OVERTIME UNTIL THE MOMENT THE GATE DROPS AND IT STARTS WORKING AGAIN AFTER HE PULLS OFF THE TRACK.
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“Jody, are you going to Chicken Licks Raceway this weekend?” asks Stumpy Phalange.
“No!” I said emphatically. “That track is a joke. Lap times are under a minute. It’s never prepped. And they always claim the water truck is broken.”
“I heard they have built a totally new track. It’s suppose to be really good. They brought in 70 truckloads of loam,” said the Stumpmaster.
“Cool,” I said. “Pick me up at 7:00.”
And when Stumpy and I drove up to Chicken Licks front gate we were greeted by the same old 57-second slot car track.
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“Jody,” asked Crazy Dave on Saturday night. “Can I borrow a bike for tomorrow? Mine is in the shop.”
“Sure,” I answered. “You can ride my practice bike.”
“Oh. I’d rather not,” said Dave. “The last time I rode that bike it almost killed me. The engine was like a light switch, the suspension beat me to death and it swapped on the downhill.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’ve had it completely rebuilt since then. Bones went through the suspension, Buddy took the engine apart and the thing is like new.”
Later that day I asked Dave how he liked the bike. “It was incredible,” he said. “They really fixed it.”
The truth? I hadn’t touched it since the last time he raced it.
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“What happened to you in the first moto?” I asked Jimmy Mac in the pits.
“My arms pumped up on the third lap. They locked up solid. I almost crashed on the back straight because I couldn’t shut the throttle off. I had to pull off the track,” he said.
“Jimmy,” I said. “I can help you. Dr. Jeff Spencer gave me these pills that eliminate arm pump. He developed them when he was Team Honda’s inhouse trainer. They really work. You take one 30 minutes before your moto and you can’t get arm pump. They work on a potassium-hydrate base. I only have one left, but I’ll give it to you.”
Of course, Jimmy finished the second moto with flying colors and I had plenty more Advil where that one came from.
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“Are you racing at the big CPU International Cup qualifier next month,” asked Fred Phalange.
“No, I can’t afford it,” I replied.
“Of course you can, the entry fee is only $40,” countered Fred.
“You’re not counting that I would have to race three qualifiers and a regional to get accepted,” I said. “Plus, you forgot to mention the qualifier’s $30 gate fee, $20 transponder rental or that the CPU International Cup Finals are in Idaho and the gate fee there is $50, plus you have to buy a camping spot for $250, $125 for a transponder (because they don’t rent them there) and the entry fee for the CPU Final is $300. I’d have to wait for my second moto to roll around after 27-minibike classes. It is also a 1500-mile round-trip drive to Idaho, which would be $450 in gas. That adds up to $3000. I think I will stay home and race 75 weekends for what it would cost to do a race that means nothing to me. Additionally, I don’t have to drive to Idaho to get beat—I can do that here.”
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At every race the starting lines are full of people who believe in what they are doing. What they believe may not be based on fact, but it is grounded in something all that more important—dreams. We race as much in our minds as we do on the track. A motorcycle racer’s brain is a marvelous thing, it works overtime until the moment the gate drops and it starts working again after he pulls off the track.
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